Posts Tagged ‘self-improvement’

You Get a Do-Over

June 7th, 2012

It came up during a conversation with a friend that we just weren’t given the tools as children to navigate all of the depths of this life. Seems like we missed out on self-love and compassion 101. Sucky. So I decided I get as many do-over’s as I please. Yup, a do-over.

Remember when you played a game with a really understanding friend or adult and you called a do-over. You missed the mark (again and again), swung that bat 10 times and finally hit the ball. Well guess what, as adults we get to give ourselves as many as we want. As a wise woman (or man too) you get to connect with your inner creativity queen to do-over what’s not working or what’s not feeling right.

Got into an argument with your spouse? Go make smoochy -face, apologize for your part and create a do-over.

Being nagging with your child? Own it and model a do-over and ask for what you want in a more respectful way.

Critical of yourself (ate the ice cream, forgot the commitment..oh well) ? Acknowledge your humanness, and give yourself a loving break.

Need some creative inspiration? Use your creativity and make images or words (with collage, markers, colored pencils, pastels, or paint) of things you’d like to do-over. Through this process let go of the behaviors and thoughts that do not serve you and connect with what you’d like to welcome in instead. Lovingly release anything that feels icky and sticky with kindness and compassion.

Looking to connect with self-love and self-compassion and your inner goodness?

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Why developing self-esteem in children may be overrated, seriously?!

May 4th, 2011

I came across a study recently on self-compassion, and how people who are more compassionate with themselves have less depression, anxiety, and tend to be more resilient, optimistic, and happier. So it got me thinking about how we encourage self-esteem in children, yet we don’t spend as much time and energy on cultivating self-compassion.

What does it mean to be self-compassionate and how can we teach children how to become more compassionate?

Adams and Leary (2007) define self-compassion as the ability to react with self-kindness and understanding when encountering difficult situations. In addition, self-compassion involves mindfulness of nonjudgmental awareness, and acceptance of one’s common humanity and understanding that they are part of a larger experience, and that others too share the common experience of difficult situations and emotions. Those who exhibit higher traits of self- compassion are less extreme in their reactions and fixate less on problems than those who exhibit lower self-compassion.

Although self-esteem (feeling good about one’s self and maintaining a positive self view) is related to self-compassion, it has been noted in research that when experiencing negative events a self-compassionate mindset may be more beneficial than high self-esteem.

As a child there are days when you get picked on, forget your homework, get totally embarrassed by a friend or a teacher. Encouraging self-compassion in children reduces negative emotions and increases personal responsibility for an undesired situation, whereby a child realizes their mistakes, without being overwhelmed by negative emotions. In doing so they are less likely to melt down or shut down or avoid feelings or circumstances in the future, and are likely to increase their ability to self-regulate their emotions and behaviors.

So how can you help your child increase their self-compassion?

Give them an opportunity to process the experience through play or art. Children often will explore their emotions and feelings through art and creative play (yes, even teens). Before you try to have a talk with your child allow them some space to understand and explore the experience of what happened. Provide them with a favorite creative activity, such as drawing or building with legos, or give them some quite time in their room.

  • Model compassionate self-talk. If your child is struggling with a situation or problem let them express what they are feeling. If you find they are becoming negative and self-blaming acknowledge their feelings (“yes, I understand you are mad”…) then encourage your child to be compassionate in how they talk to himself or herself (“everyone has a bad day, today was a difficult one, tomorrow will be different”).
  • Encourage flexible thinking. Children who are at a younger developmental level will often think that things are ‘all good’ or ‘all bad’, meaning they made a mistake then they believe they are bad. This black and white thinking may keep your child stuck perseverating that they are “not good enough” or “there is something wrong with them”. Acknowledge the situation and then encourage all the different ways your child could have handled the situation or can cope with it next time. Be playful and allow for divergent creative thinking and downright silly ideas.
  • Ask them what they would they say if it happened to a friend. This gives your child some distance from the problem and allows them the opportunity for awareness and kindness.
  • Consider Consequences. Parents often struggle with consequences and worry about too few consequences or too many consequences. Criticism and discipline from an authoritarian “my way or the high way”  style parenting will impact your child’s development of self-compassion; whereas an authoritative parenting style provides structure, support, guidance and feedback while helping your child resolve the issue.

Notice how you model your behaviors. Children naturally mimic the adults in their lives, so be aware of the messages you send when you make a mistake or encounter a problem. Modeling self-compassion is the best gift to give yourself and your child too.

Do you need more help for your child? Schedule a complimentary Child Support Consultation by clicking here

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Are you facing your Jabberwocky?

October 6th, 2010
Have you watched Alice in Wonderland movie based upon the classic novel by Lewis Carroll? Although the movie takes some very creative liberties with Carroll’s poetic portrayal of the Jabberwocky, there is a point where Alice confronts the Jabberwocky.
Drawing upon her past and encouraged by the words of her father, Alice confronts and slays the beast. It’s a moment we can all resonate with, a point in time where we look bravely at what we fear and step forward into our power. This may show up as confronting an uncomfortable situation or person, taking responsibility, doing something outside of you comfort zone, or facing a fear.
As therapists owning a therapy business we are given opportunities again and again to confront our Jabberwocky’s. (Read on the blog the *** ways you can confront your Jabberwocky in business to help more clients)
Here are some ways that the Jabberwocky may be showing up in your business.
1. You are given opportunities that you don’t follow-up on.
This may happen when you are asked to do something outside of your comfort zone, such as collaborate on a project, speak at an event, or follow-up with a potential client after a meeting. There is tremendous power in reaching out and connecting, or doing something that’s uncomfortable so you can be of service to others. I had this happen the other day, where my massage therapist knew I was out of town, and I would be returning, and he called me when I was back to see when I wanted to schedule my next appointment. It was a simple caring act, and I appreciated his follow-up. So you may want to reflect on where are you missing the opportunity to follow-up in your business-and if there any fears, how can you release these so you may be of greater service to your clients?
2. You are uncomfortable by ________________ (fill in the blank), so you avoid doing it.
I know this too well from my own personal experience with public speaking. I had such a tremendous fear of speaking in front of groups, the first time I had to do so I almost got sick in the middle of my talk. That could have been it for me, instead I kept saying ‘yes’ to speaking opportunities and each time I would find a way to ease my fears (like having a powerpoint show with the lights off). Each step forward helped me to let go of my fears and truly was a powerful example of exposure theory. Now, I joyfully (and still nervously) accept new opportunities to share and present information, which has given me the opportunity to face my speaking Jabberwocky as presenter at a national conferences, as well as a keynote speaker.
3. You don’t know how to do something, so you do nothing at all.
Technology has been moving so rapidly, it often feels overwhelming at times to keep up with everything out there. I know I gotten “technology paralysis” and I’ve become totally stuck because of information overwhelm. Here’s a way I face my technology Jabberwocky, or any other Jabberwocky that involved things I didn’t know… I continually let go of the belief that I am supposed to learn and know it all (what a relief) and I reach out (again and again) and get help. It frees up so much more energy and space, knowing that I don’t need to have the answers (thank goodness), and instead can ask for assistance.
If you’d like to release the Jabberwocky of “I don’t know how to do it paralysis” then please join me on the complimentary Therapy Practice Breakthroughs training call Oct 12, where I will share 9 Powerful Strategies to Creating a Thriving Therapy Practice Helping More People and Increasing Your Income  ***link***http://www.iatpp.org/call/

jabberwockyHave you watched Alice in Wonderland movie based upon the classic novel by Lewis Carroll? Although the movie takes some very creative liberties with Carroll’s poetic portrayal of the Jabberwocky, there is a point where Alice confronts the Jabberwocky.

Drawing upon her past and encouraged by the words of her father, Alice confronts and slays the beast. It’s a moment we can all resonate with, a point in time where we look bravely at what we fear and step forward into our power. This may show up as confronting an uncomfortable situation or person, taking responsibility, doing something outside of you comfort zone, or facing a fear.

As therapists owning a therapy business we are given opportunities again and again to confront our Jabberwocky’s.

Here are some ways that the Jabberwocky may be showing up in your business.

1. You are given opportunities that you don’t follow-up on.

This may happen when you are asked to do something outside of your comfort zone, such as collaborate on a project, speak at an event, or follow-up with a potential client after a meeting. There is tremendous power in reaching out and connecting, or doing something that’s uncomfortable so you can be of service to others. I had this happen the other day, where my massage therapist knew I was out of town, and I would be returning, and he called me when I was back to see when I wanted to schedule my next appointment. It was a simple caring act, and I appreciated his follow-up. So you may want to reflect on where are you missing the opportunity to follow-up in your business-and if there are any fears, how can you release these so you may be of greater service to your clients?

2. You are uncomfortable by ________________ (fill in the blank), so you avoid doing it.

I know this too well from my own personal experience with public speaking. I had such a tremendous fear of speaking in front of groups, the first time I had to do so I almost got sick in the middle of my talk. That could have been it for me but instead I kept saying ‘yes’ to speaking opportunities and each time I would find a way to ease my fears (like having a powerpoint show with the lights off). Each step forward helped me to let go of my fears and truly was a powerful example of exposure theory. Now, I joyfully (and still nervously) accept new opportunities to share and present information, which has given me the opportunity to face my speaking Jabberwocky as presenter at a national conferences, as well as a keynote speaker.

3. You don’t know how to do something, so you do nothing at all.

Technology has been moving so rapidly, it often feels overwhelming at times to keep up with everything out there. I know I have gotten “technology paralysis” and I’ve become totally stuck because of information overwhelm. Here’s a way I face my technology Jabberwocky, or any other Jabberwocky that involves things I didn’t know… I continually let go of the belief that I am supposed to learn and know it all (what a relief) and I reach out (again and again) and get help. It frees up so much more energy and space, knowing that I don’t need to have the answers (thank goodness), and instead can ask for assistance.

If you’d like to release the Jabberwocky of “I don’t know how to do it paralysis” then please join me on the complimentary Therapy Practice Breakthroughs training call Oct 12, where I will share 9 Powerful Strategies to Creating a Thriving Therapy Practice Helping More People and Increasing Your Income

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