Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

The Art of ‘Parenting by the Numbers’ to see your Child as a Unique Masterpiece

January 21st, 2013

I’m so super excited about the upcoming International Parents and Professionals Community Guest Speaker, Diana Dentinger.  Diana will be sharing The Art of ‘Parenting by the Numbers’ to see your Child as a Unique Masterpiece!

 Diana Dentinger was raised in a large Midwestern family, finished college and moved to Italy where she has lived since 1984, working as a Corporate Trainer. During those years she was certified in many behavior models while studying as a Neurobiology Therapist and she discovered  a “secret formula” based on your date of birth, (but it is not numerology).

As a mother of 4, she has seen how having this formula helped her more fully understand her children and made parenting so much easier. So after 20 years of training and coaching in Italian, she decided to offer her Number formula to the English speaking world and especially to parents. She’s sharing this very unique information with our community and you are going to LOVE this call!

You’ll want to join us for this Members Only call on Tuesday, January 22 nd. Click here access this Guest Expert Call (and all the other membership goodies).

Here’s what we’ll be sharing on the call:

~As a parent do you feel like you are fighting against your children to do things your way?

~Do your kids fight you and it feels like every little thing is an argument or struggle?

The true Art of Parenting is in being an art appreciator and not an art critic. Even more so, it is in appreciating what is unique about yourself and your relationships. If you are struggling with your relationships you may need a new perspective, and Diana is going share her unique system of Parenting by the Numbers. After 20 years of researching behavior, Diana created the most exact personality and needs profile providing an easy and effective way to understand ourselves, and our loved ones.

On this call you’ll discover:

  • How to use the antique symbols of Numbers to become a happy and satisfied parent and help your child become happier too
  • How your child is a work in progress and how you can use the Numbers to cultivate their unique strengths
  • What inborn qualities your child has and how these qualities can create conflict in relationships, and how you can draw upon these to help your child succeed.

You’ll leave this call with empowering tools to help you better understand the children in your life. Parents or professionals will learn unique information to guide children to be happier and successful (and reduce power struggles and arguments). Plus, you’ll learn all about the Numbers so you can apply this with your family immediately. Don’t miss this complimentary call for IPPC members. Click here to find out more

I can’t wait to welcome you to our awesome community and share Diana’s unique information too!

 

Until we connect again, let your brilliant light SHINE,

 

Dr. Laura Dessauer,

the “Creativity Queen”

Founder, International Parents & Professionals Community

 

P.S.- This call and audio recording is F-R-E-E for International Parents and Professional Community Members. Enjoy monthly parent & professional support calls, guest faculty calls with parenting and family experts, quarterly Q&A calls, instant access 24/7 to support resources, and a supportive, non-judgmental & downright awesome community of parents & professionals…all for just a few pennies per day. Click here now for all of the exciting details.

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Lessons From Your Child

May 31st, 2012

Your child is teaching you lessons, open your heart to receive their gifts.

  • Remember to play: Life is not all about working, paying bills and keeping up with housework. Let’s go outside and play.
  • Breathe: If you don’t remember to do this I’ll test you so you remember.
  • Simplicity and joy can be found in any moment: I can find pure joy in a bucket of water on the beach or swings on the playground, can you?
  • I’m not what I do, but who I am: It’s those sparkly qualities in me of kindness, silliness, and compassion that transcend what I do. I remind you that you are not what you do, but who you are.
  • Love: I am pure love, loveable, and loving-reminding you that love of self and others is the healing balm for your soul.
  • It’s fun to get lost doing something for hours. I can spend all day on building something and forget everything else. What gives you so much joy that you can get lost in it for hours and lose track of time?
  • I’m so curious about the wonders of world. Things are fascinating and interesting, I want to know how the world works and why. When’s the last time you explored, tried something new, looked at the moon or a puddle, or pondered why?
  • Cuddles and hugs rule: I remind you of how joyous it is to hug and be hugged and how you sometime forget daddy/mommy loves to snuggle & cuddle too.
  • I’m so funny and so are you: Yup, sometimes I get laughing so hard things come out of my nose. When’s the last time you had a good belly laugh? Lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously (even the boo-boos you make)!
  • I can help you grow and heal your hurts: I remind you of your childhood, the good stuff, and the not so good. You can decide what you want to let go of from your past (and what you want to keep) so we can have a different relationship than you did with your parents.
  • I am the expression of pure bliss: There are moments when I remind you of the beauty and joy of life and you feel connected to something so much greater than yourself that your heart spills over with gratitude.

CQ Playful Creative Activity:

Pull out some art materials and reconnect with your curiosity and create with your child. Color your favorite animal, create a fairyland, build with Legos, or create a scribble drawing together. You’ll build the positive connections with your child and learn some valuable lessons from them too.

 

Need some more ways to positively & creatively connect with your child? Join the Professional Community! The IPPC is surprisingly affordable and includes monthly parent & professional support calls, guest faculty calls with parenting and family experts, quarterly Q&A calls, instant access 24/7 to support resources, and a supportive, non-judgmental & downright awesome community of parents & professionals…all for just a few pennies per day. Click here now for all of the exciting details.

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10 Phrases That Every Child Needs to Hear From the Adults in Their Lives

March 19th, 2012

What would happen if …your child embodied these 10 phrases? Imagine the difference it would make in your child’s life.

I call these the 10 commitments, the words your child needs to hear from you:

You are lovable:

No matter what, you are lovable. You do not have to do anything or be anything more than what you are to be loved and to be lovable. In this moment I recognize you and love you just as you are.

Sometimes it hurts:

At moments life is painful and there is nothing you can do to make it any better. It just feels bad and I am here to be with you in these difficult moments.

You are safe:

Although I can’t protect you when things go wrong or you are scared, know that you have within you tremendous courage. Even when things feel dark and hopeless, take a deep breath and know that you are in this moment okay.

Let me try and understand:

I may not know what it is like to be you, I don’t know what happens in your heart and in your mind, I don’t know why you act the way that you do sometimes, so please help me understand. I am willing to listen and respect what you have to say.

I respect you:

You have different ideas, and see the world differently than I do. Sometimes we struggle to

meet eye to eye, but who you are as a person is good and kind and there are moments when I look at you and have such deep respect for the person that you are.

Teach me:

At times I forget to be patient, sometime I snap at you, at times I want things done quickly, and done “my way”. Please continue to teach me patience, remind me to be flexible, show me the gifts that you have in your heart about love and kindness. I can learn so much from you when I am willing to slow down and just be with you.

You are good enough and you are whole:

Please remember that nothing anyone says or does, or nothing that you can do or say, will make you less that whole. You are loveable and there is nothing that you can have, do, or be that will make you more loveable that who you already are.

You are worthy:

You are worthy of happiness, love, and kindness, and all goodness, no more and no less than any other being. Sometime I struggle to remember this in my own life and I thank you for reminding me.

Let your uniqueness shine:

I know at times it feels like things would be better if you just fit in and you were like everyone else, it feels isolating to be different and stand out. I honor and celebrate what makes you uniquely you, no one else on this planet can take your place, and that’s truly remarkable.

I am sorry:

I try to help you grow into being a happy and kind child, and sometimes I try too hard and I forget what an amazing gift you are. You are funny, kind, you have such a generous heart, and love to laugh and play. I’m sorry for those times when I forget to look at you with the love and compassion you deserve.

Thank you,

Your parent

If you are in the Sarasota, Lakewood Ranch, Bradenton, Venice Florida area and you are looking for child therapy, we can help. Schedule a Support Consultation here.

If you don’t live in the area, don’t worry. I created parenting resources to help children and teens you can immediately download  to help your child.

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Is this the year when things will finally be different?

December 28th, 2011

Okay- you want to make some changes in the new year, and change is good indeed. Will this be the year that you make the changes stick? Will this year be the year it finally happens- you lose the weight, find your passion, quit the bad habit, have a peace filled family life, pay off the debt, connect with friends more often, be balanced at work and home, etc.

In my practice I’ve seen people make remarkable changes, often because they are in a place of pain and it hurts too much to keep doing the same thing. I’ve watched families that typically yell and use anger as a way to communicate shift to understanding and listening, I’ve seen sibling who act out to get their needs met learn how to ask for what they want, I’ve witnessed adults make leaps in expressing their feelings in an authentic self-honoring way.

There are may theories of change and motivation for change, yet beyond the theories I believe there is truly one simple way that people make and sustain change (see 1. below for the answer).

Most people come to therapy or decide “enough” and commit to making a change when things are really uncomfortable. I don’t believe that you need to be in pain to make changes, but I feel like we are such creatures of habit that we are pretty likely to continue to do the same thing over and over, longing for different results and finally we become so uncomfortable with the incongruities of what we desire, that we seek change. Here’s the interesting part, often when people come to therapy it is because they see someone else as the problem (i.e. my child acts out, my parents are frustrating me, my spouse is unreasonable). You may see the problem as being outside of you or a behavior that you do (drinking, overeating). So you focus on fixing what you believe is “wrong” thinking I’ll lose the weight then I’ll be happier, when my spouse changes I’ll feel better, when my parents stop nagging me I’ll be more content, when my children stop yelling then we’ll have more joy in our family. Yes, these are based upon external situations, and more than likely will not lead to sustained changes.

Here are 6 ways to create lasting positive changes in the new year:

1. Self love-
You must honor and respect yourself enough to make whatever changes you desire a priority. When you act from a place of self-love you put your needs first, you lovingly set boundaries with others, and you are kind and gentle with yourself even when you don’t make the changes you desire. When you act from a place of self-love you know that external changes will not make you more fulfilled, happier, sexier, peaceful. Rather, your self-love, appreciation, gratitude will help lead to change externally. You love others enough to know that what you desire may be different from what they desire, and that’s Okay.

2. Clear goal-
Make it a simple goal, one you can achieve. Perhaps break it down into a short-term goal (over the next 30 days) and a long term-goal (over the next 3 months).

3. Take action-

Be realistic and ramp up slowly. If your family yells as a way of getting their needs met, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect to not argue at all. Instead look to make small changes, such as, we will only argue 1 time a day, or next time I argue I will not say mean comments. Then increase the duration you’ll go with out fighting and the intensity- do these small steps over the next 30 days and you’ll see changes without feeling overwhelmed.

4. Learn new tools-

There is a belief in Choice Theory that our behaviors are meeting our basic needs and we will not make a change unless we substitute it with a new behavior that meets our needs. So you may want to find a new behavior that replaces the old behavior you are letting go of. If you are looking to make changes in your relationships then reading books, taking a class, or going to therapy will give you new tools to replace the old way of behaving. If you are making changes in your life-style find other ways to meet your needs (i.e. instead of retail therapy meet a friend for lunch).

5. Get support and accountability-
When you share with others your intentions you become accountable and this is often a way to sustain change over the next 30-days.  So tell others whom you can trust to be supportive of your goals, and then tell them what kind of support you’d like. It’s frustrating if your friend calls to give you a ‘loving kick-in-the-pants’ when all you really want is for them to ask you  how you’re doing. So ask for how you’d like to receive your support.

6. Be kind-
There will be good days and bad days. There will be times when you make small steps towards your goals, and times when you don’t. Remember the first rule- LOVE. If you are critical, unloving, and disrespectful of the times when you don’t follow through then really there is no point in trying to make changes, because what you really need to work on is your internal stuff, not external! So be kind, know that everyone who tries new things flubs up and it’s all part of the learning process. You are not here to do things perfectly. You are here to do your best, to be kind and loving with yourself, and to be compassionate to others.

Want to use the art to affirm the changes you are making? Create a self love and support collage. Use words and images that are reminders of your goals and of being kind and gentle with yourself along the journey.

During this time of year many people need more support. Immediately access parenting resources to help children and teens you can download right now and use to help your child! You can lean more here.

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What Kind of Parent Are You and What to Do if Your Partner Doesn’t Parent Like You Do?

September 6th, 2011

Okay, if we are really, really honest with ourselves we realize that at some point in our adult lives we start to take on the characteristics of our parents in our relationships. You may begin to notice you are sounding like your mother or you’re acting like your father (the good, the bad, and the ugly). We are all influenced by our upbringing and experiences, and even if you vowed to yourself that you would never be like your parents you may find yourself acting in the extreme opposite way, still influenced by your upbringing. Egads!

Here’s the good news, you get to choose how you parent. Regardless of your upbringing or circumstances, you can consciously decide how you want to respond to your child’s behaviors.

Read more on how you can choose to be a parent that best helps your child grow into being a responsible and respectful adult without having to resort to acting like your parents.

Parenting camps believe there are three general parenting styles:

  • Authoritarian Parenting: This style of parenting is “old-school” meaning the adult sets the rules and consequences, and the child is expected to obey these rules. This is a restrictive punitive parenting style without discussion and compromise, which may lead to physical punishment as a way for children to obey the rules. Children with Authoritarian parents may develop “learned helplessness”, may act aggressively to get their needs met, or may act out, shutdown or run away.
  • Permissive or Indulgent Parenting: This style of parenting often leads to allowing children to do what they want with minimal consequences and expectations. These parents may be nurturing and accepting and are often hands-off and allow children to behave as they desire. Children with permissive or indulgent parents may develop spoiled behaviors and may engage in risk-taking behaviors.
  • Authoritative or Democratic Parenting: This style of parenting encourages children to be independent and holds children accountable for their behaviors. Authoritative parents hold their children accountable, yet also are warm and nurturing and teach children how to solve their problem rather than rescuing or telling the child what to do. They encourage resourceful creative problem solving and prefer to teach children how to make positive decisions with corrective feedback and consequences when necessary.  Children with Authoritative or Democratic parents tend are believe to have higher self-esteem and are better able to regulate their emotions and behaviors when they encounter problems.

Which parenting style sounds like you and your child’s mother/father? If you are not parenting on the same page take the time to talk with your partner/spouse/ex and decide how you both can change your behaviors to best support your child.

Children are masterful at figuring out at a young age how to get what they want; so if one parent is a Authoritarian and other is Permissive your child will quickly learn that if one parent says “no” the can go to the other parent and get want they want. This creates splitting in the household and teaches your child dysfunctional ways to get their needs met (and causes lots of arguments between parents).

If this is happening in your home it’s time to commit to a change.  If you need help for you and your parenting partner to get on the same page we can help. Schedule a complimentary Support Consultation by clicking here!

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“You can’t make me”: Secrets to getting your child to listen to you

June 30th, 2011

If you are a parent (or a stepparent) you have likely heard these words, “You can’t make me” and your heart sinks because these words cut to the core, and leave you gasping for a sane response. So before you quickly jump to a response and potentially say something you may regret later, take a minute to compose yourself. These 5 secrets will help you respond calmly when you hear the words, “You can’t make me.”

1.  Breathe- Take a minute and breathe before you respond. Yes, you’ve heard this one before, but do you know why you should breathe before you respond?  Children pick-up on your emotional state and mirror it via the phenomena of mirror neurons, meaning if they are agitated then you are likely to mirror their emotional response, which only amplifies their negative behavioral response and escalates a power struggle. Research suggests taking a deep breath allows you to increase the flow of oxygen to your brain, whereby you’ll approach the situation from a calm and rational place, rather than reactive response. Take a breath, before you respond and you’ll be much more calm and rational.

2.  Diffuse the argument- These three words will immediately diffuse any disagreement, “You are right.” Now here’s what most parents and stepparents struggle with, they want to be right. Let’s admit it, we all desire to be “right”, and often this desire to be “right” is what provokes and sustains arguments. When you let your child know they are right this removes the power struggle from the conversation and more than likely your child will have a slightly shocked and perhaps even smug look on their face when you concede that you cannot make them do anything.

3.  Communicate-Have a communication game plan in place with your spouse so you know exactly how you will handle problems when they arise, so you’re not stuck making up reactive rules in response to your child’s or stepchild’s behaviors. Take some time with your spouse and talk about how you will respond when a child in the household misbehaves. Come up with a clear consistent plan, such as telling the child know that there will be a consequence for their behaviors if they do not listen. You may even want to have a list of agreed upon consequences that you develop with your spouse prior to any argument. This way you can calmly share what the consequence will be if the child does not do what is requested.

4.  Stop splitting- Create a clear and consistent plan on following through with consequences. When you let your child or stepchild calmly know that they are right, and you can’t make them doing anything, however if they do not do what is requested there will be a consequence your child may go running to your spouse to get their way. Some of the tactics children will use are whining, pouting, begging, demanding, or guilting to get their way. You need to send a clear message to your child that you and your spouse are on the same parenting page and you both are in agreement of how the situation will be handled. If your child comes to you complaining about your spouse validate that they may be upset, and then let them know you will speak with your spouse before you make a decision together.

5.  Follow-through- Consequences that are relevant and meaningful to your child will help them make corrections to their behaviors, and this only works if you are consistent and follow through. As a child therapist I hear children tell me all the different ways their parents and stepparents punish them, and then do not follow through. Children come to see your consequences as meaningless and know they can eventually get their way. Make sure that consequences are realistic for you, so you and your spouse are able to follow through.

It’s never easy hearing the words, “You can’t make me”. Equip yourself with patience, a sense of humor, lots of love and compassion and these 5 insider therapy strategies and you’ll find it easier to respond to the statement, “You can’t make me.”

Are you in need of more support to help your family communicate? We can help! Click here to schedule your Complimentary Support Consultation and learn how to best help your child.

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Speaking

April 27th, 2011

Signature Talks

For Parents: “7 creative ways to get control of your kids so they learn how to positively manage their behaviors and feelings, and you stay sane!” Using the Creative Parenting from the Head and Heart System.

For Families: “Creatively Connecting & Confidently Communicating!” Hands-on creative workshop for children and parents teaching Creative Parenting from the Head and Heart strategies to parents and children (age 7 and up).

For Professionals: Art Therapy: 77 Creative Interventions for Challenging Children who Shut Down, Meltdown, or Act Out

Interactive hands-on art directive and interventions to help with anxiety, trauma, mood disorders, ADHD, ODD, ASD, and more.

To Book Laura to speak call (941) 504-8498 or email info@thecreativityqueen.com

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