Posts Tagged ‘lakewood ranch child therapy’

What’s really important to you?

May 16th, 2012

There are 100’s of things we ask of our loved ones each day. Everything from making your bed, brushing your teeth, doing homework, stop picking on your brother/sister, listen the first time I ask you….

Yes, these are all the daily to-do’s that you and your child need to navigate; and at times it seems like you are endlessly reminding them of all the things they need to take care of (again and again).  You may feel like you have become so disconnected from your child or teen or you are always reminding, lecturing, nagging and you’ve lost the loving relationship with your child you used to have.

CQ Playful Creative Activity:

Here’s a simple and playful way to lovingly reconnect with your child and loved ones.

Invite your inner child to play for a moment. So imagine the child within you that is the same age of your child or teen. Close your eyes if you need to and remember what it was like to be 5, 8, 12 or 16. Take a deep breath in and out, connect with and resonate with the feelings of being that age.

You can take out a blank paper and crayons or markers to help you connect with that child-like aspect of yourself. Write or make images in response to the following questions:

What was important to you then? What did you love doing and if you could do it all day, what would you do? How did you feel about the relationships in your life- your parents, your siblings, your friends? What did you wish that others knew about you?

If you could share anything with your parents, (and they could hear it without reacting), what would you let them know?

Then take a new piece of paper and create images and words to the questions above from your child’s point of view.

What do you discover about yourself and your child from this activity?

When you reconnect with your childlike self and remember what it was like to have all those big feelings and thoughts about others and yourself, you are able to show up with more empathy and compassion for your children.  With this awareness you can choose to refocus on what’s important in your relationship and compromise or let go of power struggles.

Do you need some more support to help lovingly reconnect with your child and stop the cycle of arguments, blaming, and nagging? Join the International Parents & Professionals Community

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It’s just not about the homework: How issues with school and homework impact your child

May 2nd, 2012

As we move into the end of school year there is often more stress, frustration, worry, and arguments over homework, from both parents and children.  There may be missing homework, or your child says they don’t have any homework and you find out from their teacher that they had a project due, and they didn’t turn it in.  Perhaps sitting down to do an assignment turns into a big fight, or your child is so distracted and fidgety that they waste thirty minutes procrastinating, and there are some parents who would rather just get it done, so they end up doing the project for their child.

Yes, homework headaches stink for everyone!

Yet, for your child, struggling at school and with homework may have a deeper impact on their feelings, self-competency, and self-esteem. Here are some thoughts and beliefs that children may develop when they struggle with homework:

I can’t do it

I must be dumb

Why is my bother/sister better

If I procrastinate then my parents will get frustrated and leave me alone

My teacher doesn’t like me

I don’t want to tell mom/dad about my schoolwork because they’ll be mad

If I wait to the last minute then I might be more motivated to do it

I don’t have a clue where to begin

Maybe they will do it for me

My parents/teacher will get really mad because I didn’t listen

I try to listen, but sometimes it doesn’t make sense and I don’t want them to think I’m stupid

If I ask a question in class everyone will make fun of me

Everyone else gets it, why don’t I

Something must be wrong with me

I never do anything right

Why are my parents always yelling at me

I don’t want to ask a question because they will get upset

I’ll just guess on all these answers and turn it in

If I finish this quickly I can play and do the things I like to do

It seems like all I do is homework and there is never anytime to play

If it’s at the bottom of my bag then they won’t see it

I can tell them I already did it

It’s easier to say I forgot and maybe I won’t get in trouble

I’m going to get yelled at/lectured/punished anyway, so what’s the point

I don’t want to be embarrassed

Sometimes I get excited and I forget what I’m supposed to do

I try hard, but I never seem to get it right

There must be something wrong with me

No one else has these problems

I wish I knew how to do it, but I don’t

It comes easy to all the other kids, but not for me

I make one little mistake and that’s all my parents and teachers pay attention to

I’d rather lie that get in trouble

I’m worthless

I should be punished,

I’m stupid

I’m unlovable

Notice how a child’s thoughts and beliefs can quickly spiral downward if they have a poor sense of self.  You can help shift these negative patterns by changing how you respond to homework problems and by teaching your child skills to manage homework stressors.

Needs some support to help your child manage homework stress? Join us for the upcoming International Parents & Professionals Community Support Call Stop Homework Power Struggles: Step to minimize the homework battles and make homework time peaceful& receive free access to the call replay 27/4!

If you are in the Sarasota, Lakewood Ranch, Bradenton, Venice Florida area and you are looking for child therapy, we can help. Schedule a Support Consultation here.

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Got problems? 3 things you can do to help your child become more resourceful and resilient

April 17th, 2012

We all want to teach children to be resourceful and resilient. As adults we see the necessity of learning how to cope with difficulties and find the strength and resources to overcome adverse situations. No matter who you are, and how you were raised, there will be times when you encounter problems and you must decide what to do.

 

Obstacles are opportunities in disguise. Understanding this statement may help you the next time your child (or you) encounters a problem. When your child encounters a problem they are building up their natural abilities to create solutions and figure out how to do or think differently. Our “emergency response system ” to the problems we encounter starts to be developed in childhood. If a child learns to get their needs met by a specific behavior they will continue that behavior. Even if they do not get their needs met they may repeat the same behaviors due to learned helplessness.

 

Think about your own moments when you’ve struggled with a problem you have had no control over. What type of behavior did you exhibit? When this happened did you meltdown in tears, stuff your feelings, push through the obstacle, blame others, act helpless, or act out? If you’ve had these moments you’ve probably slipped into childlike thoughts, feelings, and behaviors perhaps because you didn’t have a parent or adult that modeled appropriate ways to get your needs met or how to communicate what you needed. Although we’ve all had these moments we can teach children a different way to cope with adversity.

 

Here are 3 things you can do to help your child become more resourceful and resilient:

 

1. Lovingly let them struggle

 

Yup! Sometimes when you jump in to help too quickly you take away an opportunity for your child to learn how to overcome the problem. Unless it is a safety issue, give your child some space to figure it out before you step in. Do this in a gentle loving manner.

 

2. Offer support not solutions

 

Rather than jumping in and coming up with answers allow your child a chance to talk about their options. Just by listening you allow them an opportunity to figure things out on their own. This works wonderfully with teens & partners too!

 

3. Let them know you love them

 

Sometimes their solutions will be different than yours. That’s OK. They are learning to figure it out in their own way. Reinforce that you love them even when you may not love their choices.

 

 

CQ Playful Creative Activity:           

 

As adults when we encounter obstacles and revert back to childlike behaviors we have an opportunity for a “do-over”. We can give ourselves what we didn’t get as children. Pull out the finger paints or some messy art materials the next time you feel overwhelmed by an obstacle. Create two images. The first image create what you are feeling- allow yourself to express all your emotions. In the second image create marks, colors, and words your inner child would like to hear to help soothe and comfort that aspect of yourself.

 

Use this tool with your child too. Before you jump into to fix or problem solve, provide your child with a creative outlet for expression of their feelings- then listen without judgment to what they choose to share.

 

If you are in the Sarasota, Lakewood Ranch, Bradenton, Venice Florida area and you are looking for child therapy, we can help. Schedule a Support Consultation here. Want lots more empowering creative tools? Join our NEW Supportive, Non-Judgmental & Downright Awesome Community of Parents & Professionals committed to lovingly transforming the lives of children across the globe.

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10 Phrases That Every Child Needs to Hear From the Adults in Their Lives

March 19th, 2012

What would happen if …your child embodied these 10 phrases? Imagine the difference it would make in your child’s life.

I call these the 10 commitments, the words your child needs to hear from you:

You are lovable:

No matter what, you are lovable. You do not have to do anything or be anything more than what you are to be loved and to be lovable. In this moment I recognize you and love you just as you are.

Sometimes it hurts:

At moments life is painful and there is nothing you can do to make it any better. It just feels bad and I am here to be with you in these difficult moments.

You are safe:

Although I can’t protect you when things go wrong or you are scared, know that you have within you tremendous courage. Even when things feel dark and hopeless, take a deep breath and know that you are in this moment okay.

Let me try and understand:

I may not know what it is like to be you, I don’t know what happens in your heart and in your mind, I don’t know why you act the way that you do sometimes, so please help me understand. I am willing to listen and respect what you have to say.

I respect you:

You have different ideas, and see the world differently than I do. Sometimes we struggle to

meet eye to eye, but who you are as a person is good and kind and there are moments when I look at you and have such deep respect for the person that you are.

Teach me:

At times I forget to be patient, sometime I snap at you, at times I want things done quickly, and done “my way”. Please continue to teach me patience, remind me to be flexible, show me the gifts that you have in your heart about love and kindness. I can learn so much from you when I am willing to slow down and just be with you.

You are good enough and you are whole:

Please remember that nothing anyone says or does, or nothing that you can do or say, will make you less that whole. You are loveable and there is nothing that you can have, do, or be that will make you more loveable that who you already are.

You are worthy:

You are worthy of happiness, love, and kindness, and all goodness, no more and no less than any other being. Sometime I struggle to remember this in my own life and I thank you for reminding me.

Let your uniqueness shine:

I know at times it feels like things would be better if you just fit in and you were like everyone else, it feels isolating to be different and stand out. I honor and celebrate what makes you uniquely you, no one else on this planet can take your place, and that’s truly remarkable.

I am sorry:

I try to help you grow into being a happy and kind child, and sometimes I try too hard and I forget what an amazing gift you are. You are funny, kind, you have such a generous heart, and love to laugh and play. I’m sorry for those times when I forget to look at you with the love and compassion you deserve.

Thank you,

Your parent

If you are in the Sarasota, Lakewood Ranch, Bradenton, Venice Florida area and you are looking for child therapy, we can help. Schedule a Support Consultation here.

If you don’t live in the area, don’t worry. I created parenting resources to help children and teens you can immediately download  to help your child.

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