Posts Tagged ‘family therapy’

How do I find a child therapist?

September 12th, 2011

child

Choosing a therapist for your child or choosing a family therapist is a difficult decision. As a parent you want the best for your child and you want to find the “right” person who can help your child be successful in managing their behaviors and expressing their feelings.

Here are my professional recommendations:

  • Ask another parent or professional for recommendations of child therapists in your community. Your pediatrician, school counselor, tutor, or other professional should give you the name of several resources for you to choose from.
  • Find a therapist who understands your child’s issues and your concerns as a parent.
  • Schedule a consultation with a several professionals and ask them questions about how they would best support your child. You’ll learn much about the potential therapist by how promptly they return your call and how they interact with you during the consultation.
  • Do not just rely on your insurance company for therapist referrals. Not all therapists specialize in working with children and many blanket their services as “child, adult, and family”, yet they have no additional training specializing in children’s specific developmental needs.
  • Let your child meet with the therapist and decide if that is the person they would like to work with. Let them know they have to see someone, and you can give them a choice of who they see.
  • As the famous Dr. Benjamin Spock said, “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do”. Listen to your intuition and find the right person who respects your and your child and is willing to help you find new positive ways to communicate.

Need some more support to help your child? Schedule a complimentary Support Consultation by clicking here!

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Ten Tips To Help Your Child Transition Through Divorce

April 25th, 2011

Wondering how your divorce or separation is impacting your child? These 10 tips will help your child. This article appeared in YourTango Expert Blog

Each year, more than 1 million children experience the divorce of their parents.  Divorce rates peaked in 1979-1981 at 5.3 per 1000 persons and decreased by 1995 to 4.4 per 1000 persons. Approximately 50% of first marriages and 60% of second marriages end in divorce (Cohen, American Academy of Pediatrics).  Moreover, the American Psychological Association notes that children of stepfamilies face higher risks of emotional and behavioral problems.

Scary statistics, however, there are things you can do to help your children during a time of transition.  It is important to use age appropriate explanations.  Children often believe they are the cause of divorce or they can fix it.

These ten tips will help your child adjust:

1. Never force your child to take sides or involve your child in an argument.

2. Don’t criticize or fight with you ex- spouse in front of your child. If your child overhears you arguing explain that sometimes people say hurtful things when they are upset, however there are better ways to communicate your feelings. Discuss your concerns with your ex when your child is not present.  It is not helpful to bring them into your arguments or adult discussions.

3. Respect the relationship they have with the other parent. It is important to let your children show their love to both parents and spend time with each without feeling guilty. Provide your child with reassurance that both their parents still love them even though they may only be living with one parent at a time.

4. Your children know more than you think they know- so talk with them early on and often.

5. Create safety by listening and trying to understand their point of view. Don’t try to rescue, overcompensate (by doing or giving them things), or problem solve. The best thing you can do is listen as they express their feelings, without judgment.

6. Be open about what is happening without giving too much unnecessary information. For example, “Your father and I are having problems and we need to separate because we cannot get along with each other”.

7. Let you child know that it is not their fault and they cannot fix the problem.

8. Do not blame your ex-spouse. This creates a problem with alliances. Your child needs you to model healthy boundaries so they do not become co-dependent, feeling like they need to be responsible for another’s well being.

9. Create a schedule. Children crave consistency; it is the way they feel psychologically and physically safe. Keep a routine, even amongst the transitioning between two households.

10. Let them know they are loved and you are willing to listen and try your best to answer questions they have.

If you are looking to support your child during the transition of divorce, we can help.  Click here to schedule a complimentary Child Support Consultation and learn how you can help your child.

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