Archive for the ‘Mindset’ Category

3- Step “Super Secret” Formula to finally get your kids (and spouse) to listen

November 1st, 2011

Does your child have trouble listening to you? Are you feeling like a broken record, asking again and again for what you want, and feeling like you are being totally ignored? If you’ve asked for what you wanted and everyone in your household seems to ignore your request you’ll likely get to a point where you begin to wonder, “why isn’t this working, why aren’t they listening?”

You may begin to get to a boiling point, get mad, throw a fit,  threaten, just give in and take care of it yourself, or complain about all that you do for everyone in the house. What you’ll likely find is that when you reach your boiling point and react (or just take care of it yourself while silently resenting your family members), others may for a short period of time take notice.  Heck, you may even get your teen (or husband) to listen and pick-up their underwear off of the bedroom floor if you yell loudly enough, AND….

…you may be creating a pattern of negative behaviors to get your needs met. So your children and spouse continue to ignore your requests and pleas until you blow your top, then all of sudden they are listening,  responding quickly and wondering, “What’s up with mom ?”

We know that children model their parent’s behaviors, so the last thing you want to teach your child is that ignoring and then overreaching is a healthy way to communicate. The best way to teach your child to listen, respect your requests, and to communicate in healthy way is to learn how to communicate your wants and needs in a healthy manner first.

You can use creativity to get back into you parenting authority, and here’s a way you can do so. Create an image of something (or someone) that represent being empowered, strong, assertive, and clear. Take a minute to see what pops up for you. Now embody this! Wear it like a cloak and ground yourself in this image. When your child or spouse wants to “hook you into an argument” or they are ignoring your requests, connect with this empowering image before you respond. You’ll respond from a centered more calm place; then you can use the 3- Step “Super Secret” Formula to ask for what you need! You can take this exercise even further and create an image of this and put it in a place where you’ll see it often as visual reminder of being in your parenting power.

Drum roll please….I’m going to share with you my 3- Step “Super Secret” Formula to finally get your kids (and spouse) to listen.

  1. Validate your child’s feelings
  2. Use the assertive triangle to state how you feel and what you need. I teach that technique in the free audio-telesemiar  Secrets Your Kids Really Don’t Want You to Know: A Child Art Therapist Tells All (*except for the confidential stuff) and you can access in the box above.
  3. Be clear of consequences and follow-through

Here’s how it might sound. You come in to your teen’s room and it is a mess and you’ve ask them to clean it and they are on Facebook with their friends.

“I understand that Facebook and connecting with your friends is important to you and it’s upsetting to get off the computer when you want to be on it. When I walk into your room and it’s messy and I asked you to clean it I feel upset and disrespected. Please pick-up all the clothes off of the floor and put them in the hamper and remove the dishes from your room by 9:00 pm tonight. If you choose not to then you will not be able to use the computer tomorrow.”

DONE! This is no need to lecture, no need to yell, not need to threaten, you have clearly asserted you needs, set reasonable expectations and consequences and given your child a choice. So there is no need to go on and on and lecture them (doing so you’ll lose your parenting authority).

This must be done in a neutral tone being in your parenting authority, so your child does not hook you and get you to react! Embody that image you created and operate from this calm- empowered place and you’ll be modeling for your children and spouse how to listen respectfully.

Have you tried different ways to communicate, but your child or spouse is still not listening?  We can help!


Change is Inevitable; Struggle is Optional

March 22nd, 2010

If you are in private practice, this is a good motto to adopt. You see the belief that as a therapist you need to struggle and get paid minimally for your services, is truly optional. There is a beautiful liberation when you discover that you have these transformative and empowering gifts you share with our clients, which can dramatically change their lives. When you value your time, freedom, and the work you do, you create a space to consider how you can easily and gracefully bring these gift to others.

So I ask you to take a look at any of the areas you are struggling in your business (from getting more clients, to connecting more with colleagues, being paid well and consistently, to creating your niche). Here’s where you get to work your magic. Look at these areas with gentleness and curiosity, as you would another. What is the struggle telling you? Are there areas you need to let go of, things you need to do less of, more support needed, clear direction, less confusion? What does the struggle what you to know?

I like to use my art and ask the question and see what is revealed. Often using the art allows me to get in touch with thoughts and feelings I was even unaware of.

When you become aware of the struggle, you can make changes.

So ask yourself after doing this exercise, “What’s next”?

Then allow yourself to truly listen.


Why Fear is stopping your success

January 28th, 2010

As much as we are enlightened by the years of training we have done as therapists, there are still hidden beliefs and fears that pop up when we are called to step out of our comfort zone and move into something bigger.

It shows up in so many ways, from passing up on an opportuntiy that someone presents, making excuses, and down playing your abilities (among other things). At the core are many beliefs that keep you from moving forward. This is true for you, because if you did not have these beliefs you would have exactly what it is you desire in your life and in your business. There are so many resources out there that you could read, learn, and access on the internet, and even if you didn’t know exactly what to do first in you business, you could get that inforamtion and implement it and that would be it. You would have the number of clients you desire, you’d have the money you desire, and you’d have the ease you desire.

Instead your beliefs have dominated your decisions. You do not effortlessly say yes to what is presented and create what you desire. Fear keeps you in a holding patterning and your beliefs pop up to affirm why you can’t do those things you are so longing for.

What can you do?

First off become aware of your beliefs. What is it that you believe in that keeps you stuck? Read below to see which ones resonate with you (without judgement):

I don’t have what it takes

I don’t know enough

Who am I

I’m not an expert

It will be too much work

No one will pay

I’m not enough

I don’t really need to help more people

I’ ll get overwhelmed

I’m not a good speaker

I’m too disorganized and unfocused

I should change for this

I’m not good enough

Others will be upset

I’ll have to discount

Who am I to do this

I wont be able to do it

People don’t want what I provide

The economy is bad

I’m not as good as they are

This will not work for my business

I don’t have time

I don’t have money

I don’t have support

I don’t like to sell

I’ll be embarrassed

I’ll be vulnerable

They’ll see I’m a fake

They’ll laugh

I’ll have to work to hard

Others will get upset

I don’t want others to uncomfortable

My partner/spouse may leave

Others may reject me

Awareness if the first step. Releasing these beliefs is the next step. There are many ways to heal and let go of old beliefs. I’ll be offering very specific tools and strategies in the upcoming tele-class How to Change What You Are Worth, and Get It!

We will peel back the layers of false beliefs around money-because how you do anything, is how you do everything. We’ll explore how you mirror your beliefs by the way you relate to money. You’ll have money breakthroughs so you finally charge, and make, what you desire! Click here to say yes to money breakthroughs! http://businesssuccessfortherapists.com/4-week-class


Where do you get stuck in your life and your business?

January 20th, 2010

Did you know that your therapy business, and any anything else that you may be doing, is a reflection of your inner beliefs? We all have the stories we carry, and the big plots in our lives that we replay again and again. It’s the awareness and our conscious choice that will help us more from these stuck repetitive patterns into a new behaviors and consequently a new business paradigm.

Many therapists have stuck beliefs around money and helping others, and there is a feeling of being incongruent when you’re talk about helping others and being paid well for your services. So letting go of these inner beliefs that have kept you playing small, will in turn allow you the opportunity to step forward and help many more people.

Here’s a simple exercise, yet quite powerful. Write down all the beliefs you have around making money and helping others. What do you discover about yourself in the process?


What's your story?

January 11th, 2010

As I move my business from the safety and comfort of my therapy office to a more visible business I have discovered some really remarkable things about myself. I’ve found my story keeps popping up- the belief system that keeps me playing small out of fear that I’m not adequate, that I don’t know enough.

It’s remarkable that stories we’ve adopted in our lives emerge especially when we are making steps outside of our comfort zone (all those things we do to keep the fear at bay). My story has threaded my life and at times I’ve believed it, at times I fought hard against it, at times I’ve surrendered and allowed it to take over, at times I’ve been dismissive and disregarded it.

I feel a shift as it appears these days. I’m too far from the story to retreat back to its safety. I also feel the fight against it is over, it serves only to keep me engaged with the beliefs that truly no longer serve me. So what to do with this story, this aspect of myself that is clinging on for dear life, fearful I will leave it behind?

Today I choose to hear it, to see it, and to understanding its motives to keep me safe. I lovingly and gently allow this story to “speak its peace” and I nod understandingly, like a parent to their child.

Yes, I have created this story and I honor that it served me at one time. I hold the story and compassionately detach from it. For in each moment I have a choice, to move back into the past story or step forward into the unknown and create the new story. I am choosing to step forward.

So what is your story and what does it keep you from doing?


How to move out of your comfort zone to have a remarkable 2010

January 7th, 2010

” Be prepared to move out of your comfort zone. You will do things that you never knew you could do.” -Janice Novello

I have this quote on my desk and I read it every day. It’s not just a fluffy feel good quote, but a reminder that in order to play bigger, and help more people, I must choose to get out of my comfort zone every single day.

IMG_0991So let me tell you why this quote is so inspiring. I met Janice at event we were both speaking at, Recipe 4 Happiness. (Here I am with Janice in her NASA jumpsuit and me with my Creativity Queen crown)

I attended her workshop and was riveted by her story. You see Janice was ordinary middle school teacher (yes, that’s an oxymoron) who decided to model to her students the importance of taking risks. So in 2007 she submitted an entry for a two-week astronaut training program at the U.S. Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, Alabama. She sent out the application and gave it little thought. A letter came back welcoming her to the program. She was chosen to be one of the 250 science and math teachers from 21 countries and 43 states!! She was flabbergasted (to say the least).

Now Janice had a choice at that point. This was obviously way outside of her comfort zone. She would be required to to physical tasks, such as getting out of a vehicle submerged under water and riding in a helicopter basket. Imagine the doubts and fears that must have been crossing her mind. I’m sure she could have easily made up some excuses, such as not being in good physical shape, fear of heights, having made other plans, etc. She actually had a great excuse, she was celebrating a very monumental birthday during the training time and already had plans in the works.

Oh, the excuses she could have made!  Instead she made the commitment and went for it. She spoke about confronting her fears and even helping another participant do the trainings- which meant she decided to be in the submerged car for the second time, paddle in the water, and help her friend into the helicopter basket, despite her fears of drowning and heights. Why? Because she was willing to move out of her comfort zone, challenge herself, and experience things she could have never imagined!

So how can you take this inspiring message and help many more people this year?

Perhaps it is doing something out of your comfort zone to market your business, such as:

* Meeting a new possible referral resource for coffee

* Speaking to your target market group

* Writing a column for the local newspaper

* Starting your own newsletter

* Volunteering at an organization where your target market hangs out

* Starting a weekly radio show

If you are looking to make the big changes in your business then you must move out of your comfort zone. If you don’t know what to do first, don’t worry, you are not alone. Many business owners get overwhelmed and do know what to do. So I created a step-by-step program to teach you exactly what to do first in your business, so you can start seeing more clients immediately!

If you are ready to take a no excuses approach to your business, then there is still time to join the “Fill My Practice NOW System” – 6 Week Tele-Class. The System includes everything you need to know to prioritize what to work on first, and set up simple, solid systems to consistently draw clients to you. It’s all step-by-step, so we will cover step one of the system, then move on to step two, and so on. That’s why you will get such great results from it. All the “how to do it” tools are given to you, so you know what to do and in what order. Don’t worry if you missed the past calls- we will send you the link and you can listen to it at any time.

So easy- REGISTER NOW at “Fill My Practice NOW System” – 6 Week Tele-Class Click Here!


What are you creating for your business in the new year?

January 4th, 2010

IMG_1475Are you tired of working either in your own business or working for an agency and you feel stressed out, burned out, or just plain unfulfilled?

Maybe the new year solidified your commitment to move forward in your business, and finally have the practice you love! Wonderful, but where do you begin? There’s so much information out there and it can often feel overwhelming because you don’t know what to do, and most importantly, what to do first!

Here’s my recommendation, before you try to figure out what to do first- go and have some creative fun. Yes, go and play! It is when we play and create space for exploration is when we get to explore what we desire to grow into. So go and get some magazines and cut out images of what you desire to create for 2010. Here’s my collage for 2010 and what I am choosing to grow into in the new year.


What's your vision for your business in 2010?

December 31st, 2009

What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve” Napoleon Hill. It’s amazing, but you get to be the co-creator in what your business and life looks like for the upcoming year.

Tonight my husband and I get to celebrate a ritual we started, which I love. A few years back we decided to forgo the late night parties and after a yummy dinner out we come home and light a fire, sip some NY Finger Lakes wine, and create our vision for the new year. We bust out the magazine and talk about what we desire for the new year, both personally and professionally. Then w reflect back on our prior year and celebrate what we are creating. For the next few months the collage hangs over our fireplace as a reminder of being the co-creators in our lives.

So, I invite you to play and create and share with me what you are choosing to create in 2010!


How does your beliefs impact your business?

December 8th, 2009

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” Henry Ford

Every day we have an opportunity to create new experience and opportunities in our lives. It’s a matter of being clear and making consistent choices towards what it is you desire. However, our thoughts play a big part in what we believe we can (and can’t) achieve.

So what limiting beliefs are keeping you stuck and playing smaller? It is hard to see our own patterns, yet they show up all around us. If you are looking for signs to see what your beliefs are look at your relationships, look at your bank account, look at your emotional well-being, look at your physical appearance, look at your spiritual practices, these all reflect back exactly what you believe (or don’t believe).

I have a quote hanging in my office that reminds me of this, “How I do anything is how I do everything”. I reflect on this and remember I am in control of my choices and my beliefs.